Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
