all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
