The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
