let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
