Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
