I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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