so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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