sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
