i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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