Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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