Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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