my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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