Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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