One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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