please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
