all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
