the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
