Apparently you make a good broom.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
love makes seman taste better
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
