i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
