just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
