Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
