Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
