We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
