I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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