You smell like stripper and shame
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
