so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
