Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
