I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
