So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
