If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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