She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
