Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
