Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Randomize
