Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
