I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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