i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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