Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
