we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
