Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
