I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i wish my penis had a tongue
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
