capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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