Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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