Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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