Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
