those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
pray to the hookup gods
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
