she woke up with a sticky ear
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
