when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
