I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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