Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
