I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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