Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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