I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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