This is not my ceiling
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
