You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
