Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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