when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
