I like my sex mixed with concussions.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
