I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
