your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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